Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Oh, so you're THAT mom!

What the heck is that supposed to mean?  I have gotten it a lot.  I'm well aware that I get categorized as a certain kind of mother. Being my make-it-from-scratch self, I've offered neighbor kids popsicles made from yogurt that I cultured and made into a smoothie.  What? They were GOOD popsicles!  I've gotten it for my advocation of extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and natural birthing.  I just love to learn about things that make a difference in my family's life, and I find that the most natural ways of doing things are often the best for us.  I've been THAT mom for making it look easy while inwardly losing my mind, too.  That was just pride.

I've been THAT mom for unpraiseworthy reasons, too.  I've been the mom who screams in exasperation, who has thrown things, who lets her kid run around in diapers 'til he's 4 because I wasn't up for the fight (no regrets on that one!).  I've been the mom whose kid freaks out about every change in life. What could I expect when I was freaking out?  I've seen this message in people's eyes as my child throws yet another public tantrum, but I learned how to manage those with a calm that helped my child melt into my arms and know he was safe.  I've learned to tell myself that "those who mind don't really matter, and those who matter don't really mind". 

Today I was THAT mom for some wildly divergent reasons.  I've mentioned our school delay woes, and today was a delay for frigid temps. Seems to me that cold temperatures should be expected in winter, but I digress.  This morning A-man was in a 4-alarm temper fire and locked himself in the bathroom when it was nearly time to leave.  He and I have engaged one another as worthy and well-matched opponents in some serious battles of the will.  But NOT today.  I kept doing what I needed to do and left him there until the last minute.  Then I calmly unlocked the door, spoke gently, and prayed with him.  Revelatory!  I don't HAVE to fight him.  I can WIN by being peaceful and loving.  And in the end, he's sorry and asking my forgiveness, and I can pray with him because I haven't tossed my credibility out the window by losing my cool.  That's when we both lose, anyway. 

I was also THAT mom today when my toddler fell head-first out of a shopping cart today.  Yeah.  She can undo/shimmy out of the buckles with no trouble, so the upper basket is more of a concern for me because it's further to fall, and the momentum of fighting the seatbelt could launch her 23lb frame pretty far.  So I had her in the big basket section and was having to remind her frequently to sit down, and she was briefly obeying.  I was having trouble finding an important item, an item which is nowhere near as important as my precious daughter.  I'm grieving that I didn't do something different, but I watched her tumble out head first onto a hard tiled floor.  She screamed, she bled slightly from her mouth where her teeth punctured tender skin, and some random stranger YELLED AT ME.   I didn't even bother to respond.  I was THAT BAD MOM in that moment, and I knew it. 

I took her to Wheeling Hospital, pinching her awake along I-70.  She is absolutely fine and didn't need a CAT scan. Her momma is less fine but will certainly recover if I can get this picture out of my head someday.  I think all of us are THAT mom at some point.  We're all at our shining best and our shame-filled worst depending on circumstances, some of which we can never control. 

7 comments:

  1. I admire you for sharing this. I have been a mom for 6 days and can barely handle thinking about the mistakes I've already made and will make in my life as a mom. I've always had such an awful time accepting when I make mistakes. I think i have to be perfect. No one is perfect and stuff happens to everyone. I'm so glad Mara is okay. It could have happened to anybody. Craig balances me out (mainly by telling me that I AM wrong) but tells me that it's ok and you have to just learn from it and move on. He has been such a good husband and dad. That's what we have them for. :) just know that this new mom took something from this today and is comforted to know that it's ok not to be perfect and it's ok to admit it, especially if it helps to get through it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Erica! I do tend to let it all hang out, especially if it lets another momma let go of some angst and perfectionism. I couldn't make my life look perfect if I tried. My A-man taught me that, and it's one of my most treasured gifts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, you poor thing! I am so glad M is okay, I bet that scared you. And you are a GREAT mom.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So Jamie, the other day, I was in Michael's which has incredibly small aisles anyway and some lady huffed at me because me and my crew were in the way. Right when she decided to go the other way, Sylvie stepped right in front of her and the lady muttered, "Really!?" So I got to be the mom who said, "Sylvie, will you please come this way, we are tickin' this woman off." The lady ducked her head so she wouldn't make eye contact with me. Then on the way out, the teenager next to me commented sarcastically, "Nice parking." While she was remarking to her boyfriend about how someone else's kids were in her way from backing up...I took the opportunity to take my turn getting out of there in front of her. I felt loaded to kill someone that day. So, #1 good job keeping your cool. and not being passive aggressive like me! #2 Praise the Lord that Mara is okay. EVERYONE has done something like that. In fact, Miri smacked her face pretty good the other day from falling off a chair two feet away from me right after Celeste insisted that I wasn't being a good parent. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, Steph! You are endlessly patient! Sounds like they had it comin' ;). We were in another medical office last week, and M wanted up on a chair, but I said no because she'd just want down, and I was busy filling out first-visit papers. Some other lady puts M on the chair without asking me, and M promptly flops onto the floor, face first. I passive-agressively told my crying daughter "this is why Momma said you couldn't sit on the chair." People need to learn to leave well enough alone!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, Jamie, I'm so impressed you didn't shove that person aside. It's incredible how people are satisfied to criticize instead of lend a helping hand. Way to be a good Mama! I just blogged about Ceci's various injuries this week, and looking at them all in line makes me seem negligent. But I know they're side-effects of a child who feels safe and loved enough to explore her environment. Power on, Jamie!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You know what Jamie? One of the best compliments I ever heard your mother receive was from an old high school friend that told her " you are the best damn mom I know" You are another one sweetie
    we see it all the time.

    ReplyDelete