Bleh, winter.

I worked most of the years since my kids were born, minus April 2005-June 2007, when I had or was soon to have 2 very young children.  There are a few reasons for that.  First, there was the need for income to supplement the stipend we lived on during Dr. O's grad school years (we had a -14% income tax rate).  Second, there was the need for me to TAKE A SHOWER AND LEAVE THE HOUSE.  I do shower.  I do leave the house.  However, I get into this winter hibernatory mindset in which I bake and cook and do house stuff and put personal care on the back burner.  I put off leaving the house because it's so darn cold outside. 

I could have taken a course this semester. For free.  I waited too long, then couldn't find a time and a course with open seats that matched up properly for me to take a class at Jesuit this semester, and that's okay.  I need to get some things settled for I-M first.  I don't like to ask Dan to take off time and come home so I can go to a class. 

I could have taught a course this semester.   The money wasn't really much, and I didn't want the agita.  That said, I think that having my own small contribution to our income does boost my confidence.  I just don't know if it's worth the extra chaos. 

That said, I feel like I'm totally wimping out.  Kind of spinning my wheels. I feel this way every January and February that I don't spend working or in school.  Apparently, I need a Mack Truck of responsibility and deadlines bearing down on me so that I don't notice the bleak midwinter gloom until it's nearly over.  Then I have a birthday, which does lift the gloom and make me feel like spring is coming. 

The boys are coming home in 15 minutes, thanks to a weather-related early dismissal.  And I haven't showered. 

Cousins at the fieldhouse in PA

Epiphany Sunday musings on interpersonal relationships

I don't have to prove that I'm right. I don't have to take what someone says personally. I know that I do the best I can and that it's usually enough. Someone who criticizes hasn't lived my life, hasn't seen my morning frenzy or the afternoon meltdown, doesn't know the agonizing I do over the details, and that's okay. I don't owe that explanation to anyone. Someone who offers only criticism comes not just empty-handed, but as a vacuum to diminish others' joy because they have none of their own.

I have been struck by how much we rationalize and excuse our own actions but don't extend nearly the same benefit of a doubt to those around us, including those who should be closest to us. I have seen how starting with defensiveness only leads to more defensiveness, and no one gets heard. I have witnessed some passive-agressive behavior that leaves everyone involved dizzy and asking "wait, what was that?".

I try to be real and visibly imperfect and to serve with love and grace. I fail a lot, too. I recently thought of a 3rd phrase in my mantra with my children. I had "kind words and loving actions", but I've added, "and gracious attitudes". It's as much a reminder for myself as for my children.

Update from a month ago

Update from this post I took I-M to the ped for his 7 year check-up yesterday, along with a long list of issues to tease out. I'm so happy to have a great doc here! He confirmed my suspicion that everything we're dealing with-- health, learning, behavior-- is inter-related. We're treating his allergies to shrink his tonsils and adenoids so that he sleeps better and possibly has less bedwetting. We'll see an allergist soon and possibly remove tonsils and adenoids. If he sleeps better, he should have better working memory and less squirrely behavior and less of a short fuse in stressful situations. He will be receiving occupational therapy at school to improve his gross motor coordination, but we aren't expecting him to play team sports any time soon. Not his thing, and that's okay. He's also going to be re-tested for working memory by a more qualified practitioner, aka someone with a Ph.D. who also works with children. The doc says that his working memory is still above the range for those with ADHD.

Happy Birthday to my husband of 12.5 years!

Thanks to a gift card from Arin and Jim, Dan and I are celebrating his birthday by having lunch at Panera today. We'll take M-girl, who will be squirrelly and will probably dump something. I love my husband and can't wait to get some time out with him, even with a cute 3rd wheel. We are a great team and usually fight less than once per quarter, and I'm thankful for that. After marrying at 21, we feel blessed to have grown up together without growing apart.

Tonight I'm making shish taouk, possibly falaffel from a mix, and some tabouli. We will have carrot cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I'm so happy that there are only 2 gingerbread cookies left! We do still have 3 gallon-sized freezer bags with the worst batch of chocolate chip cookies I've ever made, but I just can't seem to throw them away because they're edible, just not wonderful. Ridiculous, really. At least I'm not tempted to eat them!

Happy thoughts

-22-mo-old child saying "I luff it!" about a piece of fruit instead of screaming for a cookie.
-same child eating eggs instead of cookies.
-getting Jedis off to school on time despite waking up 45 minutes late
-Jedis having a good day back to school after holidays
-finding an $11 box of LEGOs on clearance for $2.75 and not mauling the woman who took the other 5 boxes. God will bless me for that, right?
-finding out that while I can not do an accelerated degree at Dr. O's university part-time, I can do the pre-requisites part-time and decide whether this career path will work for me. 20 credits part-time, then 80 credits in 18 months when M is 3.5 and can go to pre-school. It will be wild if I get that far, but I think I could love the job.

What I cooked for a crowd...

With the goals of using up what was in the fridge, feeding 18 people economically, and getting some whole grain and green veggie goodness into tummies to mitigate the cookiefest that we had going on, I cooked the following meals, with ingredients already on-hand in bold:

-Mashed Potato Soup with Ham (with mostly leftovers and a few freshly diced potatoes.)
-Grilled Cheese and canned Tomato Soup (used up the bread squirreled away in the fridge and the enormous blocks of RF American Cheese my MIL had in the fridge).
-Whole Wheat Spaghetti with Meat Sauce and a pan of Ratatouille-Style Veggies that could be eaten over pasta, on the side, or in addition to the meat sauce
-Tacos with whole wheat tortillas, reduced fat cheese, seasoned black beans, whole grain rice (with onions, red peppers, and Adobo).
-Pizza on whole grain crusts, all with lowfat mozz. Varieties included cheese, turkey pepperoni, ham and pineapple, and chicken and zucchini.
-Minestrone with potatoes, tomatoes, zucchini, onions, beans, celery, carrots, beef bouillion, and pasta.