perfect schmerfect

One of the best things about having all four kids home all day during the summer is that I can NOT afford to be a perfectionist. Not on any front, whether it be housekeeping, behavior, or activities. Things will go awry, but it's always an opportunity for one or more of us to learn patience and flexibility. Often that person is me, and summer is the perfect time for me to learn these lessons. The sun is shining, the kids can play outdoors more, and if one day doesn't go perfectly, there are plenty more where that came from. We all have our morning routine that involves a quick clean-up to maintain sanity and sanitation. The older kids have to do 3 jobs each in order to earn screen or outdoor time. If we're headed out for the day, they will also locate shoes, fill water bottles, and pack them with a picnic blanket. They'll help me pack a lunch and grab the swim bag if we will need it as well. Leaving the house with four is still crazy, but it's easier than when I had two. I have my own chores to accomplish each day, but I know that if I don't get to all of them this week, I will get go them the next week. Hopefully, that won't mean that the vacuum sits unused in the kitchen for a week! If we're out somewhere and one of the kids acts up, I don't take it personally anymore. I have learned that staying calm leads to peace being restored much more quickly, and responding with anger fuels the mayhem. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I'm raising people, and it can be a messy process! If circumstances beyond our control threaten to ruin our plans, it's not the disaster it used to be, which was typically a screaming public tantrum, follwed by a hasty retreat to our very messy home and a vow to never go out in public again! Something had to change, and most of the change was my responsibility. My response to a change in plans signals to my kids that it can still be a great day. I'm thankful that we've had enough good days for them to know this is true!

not grey at all

I've been ignoring this cultural phenomenon for months now, but now that I am using a kindle, I find that I have to see Fifty Shades of Grey every time I look at the Kindle ebook options on Amazon. In.the.first.three.slots. gross. If a man said on Facebook "whooo! I just got some pornography in!" we would not think twice about blocking him. If a man said "I am so excited about this pile of pornography that I got that I'm ignoring all my personal responsibilites to engage in a fantasy life that no woman could ever live up to!" I would find him unbearably creepy and probably even threatening. Here's the thing: erotica IS the female equivalent of pornography. Men respond to images, and women respond to fantasy and language. Fifty Shades of Grey is erotica, and it's fan fiction that was originally based on the Twilight characters, which were poorly written enough. Essentially, it's derivative porn for women. All this discussion of who might star in the movie? A movie about these books would be pornography, or it wouldn't cover the book. I'm concerned that enough women are already in controlling and abusive relationships wih men, and this series glorifies that. I have not read any more than the snippets I've seen in other reviews, and I found the writing juvenile and creepy, just like the status updates in which women are gushing over this foolishness. People complain about their marriages/relationships, but reading about abuse and debasement (and a stupid woman's codependent acceptance of this treatment) won't improve anyone's shot at a lifetime of love and respect. I think that announcing that you LOVE FSoG invites speculation/imagination about what your personal tastes might be, and I find that unwelcome.

No-tella

We had a great surprise last night-- a quick visit from my dad!  Papa Benjamin was in the house, and the kids got to have breakfast and play with him this morning. I had a head's-up a few days prior, but the kids had no idea.  He's en route to New York and Massachusetts on business and to pick up two of my younger sibs who were helping my brother Nate and his wife settle in there.

Today I did my yearly exercise in parental penance by taking the kids to the youth festival at one of the larger parks.  It is a hockey rink  (no ice) full of tables where people from local organizations can give away literature and trinkets, etc. There is live entertainment and a free unhealthy lunch, and it's a favorite event for my kids, so we do it every year as part of our back-to-school routine.

Dan has a dinner tonight, so we're just taking it easy, eating off-brand Nutella (aka, No-tella) on store brand (HFCS free) bread and whatever is in the freezer.  Summer is winding down, and we're ALL feeling it!

104 Days

Okay, so it's been forever, and my recent posts haven't been a personal since they've been the drafts for the local parenting magazine blog.  I need to write down what's going on so that I remember it!

The kids are all doing fantastic!  Great summer, very busy, lots of fun with friends and family.  Mara and Aidan are squabbling more than I'd prefer, but otherwise things are pretty peaceful.  Dan is teaching a few courses this summer to help the financial margins be a tad wider.  Ian is growing so fast and is sporting a mouth full of big kid teeth.  Aidan is active and enthusiastic about life. Mara is into everything and underfoot all day, and her smile and creativity warm my heart daily.  Ella is a roly-poly 9 months!  She's about to get her first teeth any day and has begun to crawl.  She eats real food and sleeps at night.  Easy baby most of the time!

We have done lots of VBS this summer, lots of friend time, plenty of park playtime, some swimming, a few concerts, and one terrible library event.  The kids don't really care about story time, and my fines are a bit up there, I think thanks to Ian taking library books to school for book report approval and then never bringing them home.

We've traveled to Indiana twice, once to celebrate a cousin's first birthday and see all of my siblings, and once to see our Notre Dame friends before one dear family moved to California.  We were so blessed to go to the going-away luau and have fun with friends.  Following that, my parents took the older 3 kids for a few days so that Dr. O' and I could get a break.  It was heavenly!  We had a date with Ella at Later Gator and got locked out of our car.  AAA to the rescue!

The big kids returned, and a few days later we drove to Nags Head, NC for an Outer Banks vacation with Dan's brother and his family.  We had not had a vacation since our honeymoon nearly 14 years ago!  The combination of cousins and grown-ups was just perfect, and everyone had a fantastic time!  We ate great food, played on the beach, played in the pool, and got lots of relaxation in. Aidan took to the waves beautifully, and while they liked the water, Ian and Mara preferred the safety of the sand and shallows.  I think we'll be paying for a surf lesson for Aidan some day!

The plan is for me to begin taking education courses this fall to get expanded licensure in middle school and special education so that I can be ready to teach again when the girls go to school.  I need to do something for my brain, and this is free!  I want to be ready to do whatever job God has for me, and education seems like the way to go for now.  

The kids start back to school in 2.5 weeks!  Great summer, and looking forward to a great school year for all!

Treacherous waters of raising daughters- thoughts on beauty and intelligence

I'll admit it. The thought of raising girls stresses me out! The pitfalls are all too numerous, and their effects are often lasting.

There is a duality of narcissism and inferiority that threatens our children's stability and happiness. If my daughter puts her confidence in being a pretty girl, will that stunt the development of her character? If she puts her confidence in her intelligence, will she become lazy and shy away from anything that requires hard work and discipline, or might she shy away from demonstrating her intelligence in front of boys? If she feels unattractive, will she be potential prey to the man or boy who makes her feel beautiful? If she is made to feel stupid, will she rely on the judgment of others rather than developing her own ideas?

The cultural phenomena of children's fashion, beauty contests, and popular TV shows are symptoms of a society that values the thin and the cosmetically perfect, along with the wealth and fame that these traits supposedly bring. I worry that kids are learning that if they are not wealthy and famous, it's because they are not thin enough or beautiful enough. If fame, wealth, beauty, and thin-ness are my daughter's goals, where will that take her? What kind of person will she become? My faith teaches that the pursuit of beauty leads to deception, vanity, and indiscretion. Definitely not the path I wish to steer my girls toward! I want to teach them to care for their bodies and their inner and outer beauty as gifts from God. I don't want them to choose their playmates based upon which ones are the prettiest and risk falling into harmful company.

I also mentioned intelligence as one of the traits I'm also uncomfortable with praising. Why? Intelligence is partially genetic and partially environmental, but what the person DOES with their intelligence is their actual accomplishment. When I praise a child for being smart, they hear and internalize it. When a task is difficult later, they may come to the conclusion that they are not smart, that they no longer have this trait that I praised them for, and that I am a liar. Instead, I praise my children for their hard work and problem solving; in other words, I praise them for USING their intelligence.

For this reason, I am resisting the tendency to emphasize these traits of brains and beauty, which my daughters have plenty of, in favor of emphasizing more lasting and beneficial qualities. If my daughters are kind, confident, resourceful, and hard-working, I will be proud of their accomplishments. My preschool daughter enjoys dressing up and playing princess games and putting huge bows in her hair, and I am happy to give her the opportunity to play in the girly-girl realm, as much as it's not my thing. She's also happy with oatmeal in her hair and sitting in the sandbox building forts all day, so I think she'll turn out just fine!

Turning "Greenish" and Saving Green: Lessons we have learned as a family of 6

Over the last 10 years, my lifestyle has changed considerably. My husband has gone through grad school and gotten a job. I've quit working full time and started a family. And kept going. We have four kids, and one of our big concerns is the environmental impact of having a larger family. We want our kids to be good citizens who live mindfully, but that's not how our progression toward "greenish" living began. Nope, it began with grad school and soul-grinding poverty. We do this stuff because it has solved problems that we have faced, it saves money, and it actually simplifies the shopping process that would otherwise be taken up by extreme couponing. I consider us "greenish" because I don't sweat it if we can't recycle or compost an item. We don't drive a car that gets anything resembling good gas mileage. And of course we eat bananas that are more well-traveled than I am! When my husband was in grad school, and we were living on a tiny stipend with kids, I learned to make many of our favorite foods from scratch from bulk ingredients, saving money and packaging, and improving our health. Our first had feeding issues, so I had to experiment to get him to eat anything. After that, making baby food for our second child was a breeze. I had thought about cloth diapering our first, but my mother-in-law talked me out of it. Had I known how long my sons would take to potty train, I would've investigated a bit further, but the initial cost scared me. After my boys spent 3.5 to 4 years in diapers (long story) and I was still washing out funky underpants, I decided to give modern cloth a try for child #3. I loved it, and it brought about a laundry revolution in my house! With the residue-free detergent needed to maintain cloth diapers, I no longer needed fabric softener (1/8 cup Epsom Salt in the wash for clothes). Also, if I left a load overnight (always), I didn't need to rewash it because there was no build-up on our clothes! I started making my own detergent and scenting it with eucalyptus oil, yummy! I've had to tweak it for Wheeling water, but I have a new formula that's working great! Baby #4 is happy and dry in the same diapers her sister wore, and child number 3 potty trained much younger than her brothers did. I also found that hanging diapers in the sun made them smell clean and look great. We make wipes out of old t-shirts and wet them with a little soapy water. We cut paper items like paper towels, napkins, and plates early on to save money. Then I mixed up my own cleaners with a few cheap and safe ingredients, and I found that cleaning didn't make me feel sick! When we had kids, we didn't plan for them to be breastfed until just before the first one was born, and he nursed for 9 months. The next three have never had formula because they didn't take bottles, and they've been with me most of the time anyway. Even though we've always qualified for WIC, we haven't had a need for formula for long, which has saved a lot of containers and washing water. Having a lot of kids means that everyone figures you need clothes and gear and toys and books, and lemme tell you, it's so TRUE. We have been blessed by this fantastic form of recycling, and we are happy to pass it on when we are finished with it! And at our kids' ages (6mo to 8 years), they absolutely don't care whether they are the first to wear something or not. We have found that chasing deals for this stuff takes gas money and time, and amassing too much stuff requires a lot of storage, so we keep enough off-season clothes for one kid's size in a tote bin, and we get rid of anything that doesn't fit in the bins. Now that our family constitutes a "large family", or so EVERYONE in Kroger tells me, I have to work to keep healthy food in these growing bodies. By slow cooking and then freezing beans, I have a ready supply of BPA-free beans for 1/7 the cost, and the ones I cook are organic! It also cuts out a lot of trash from all those bean cans. By using one container of Stoneyfield yogurt to make all our yogurt each month, I'm saving about $30 and lots of plastic containers (yes, we eat a quart of yogurt every other day!). We make bread that has no icky additives and doesn't require a plastic bag each time (it doesn't last that long with all these kids to eat it!). We're getting back into gardening this summer, and I'm excited to see our seedlings sprouting in the basement. What I like about our lifestyle is that my kids don't have a sense that we should go out and buy things as a first resort. It has made them more resourceful to see us make things, reuse things, and use things until they're worn out. It helps them to have sense of thankfulness when they do get something new and to take care of their belongings. They are more creative when the toys don't do the playing for them, and that's why they're out in our green yard building a ramp and a catapult at the moment. Curious about making some greener choices for your family? We have a good thing going at Wheeling Mountain Sprouts, a support group for parents who are interested in any aspect of natural parenting. Check us out on Facebook, or join us at 10am on the 3rd Saturday of each month at Edgwood Evangelical Lutheran Church.

Chaos with a side of bacon

I often find myself in this odd predicament of standing in the doctor's/dentist's office making appointments figuring "I'm a SAHM with a flexible schedule currently surrounded by boisterous small people who just want a lollipop and to get out of this office". This is true. However, there is a serious flaw in my system when my kids have run the battery down on my iPod battery down during the visit, and I can't access my iCal to check for conflicts. I make the appointment, shove the card into my purse, and try to get out of that office without any incidents. Thank goodness most of these offices call us with reminders later! What has been happening recently is that I have accidentally scheduled appointments on a random day off in the Ohio County Schools schedule. I took all four kids to a dental filling, and they were great, including the kid with the cavity. Last Tuesday, however, was much more complicated. It was Election Day, which means that I needed to vote AND there is no school. It was also review and final exams week at WJU, where my husband is a professor. And the baby had a check up that resulted in 3 prescriptions. It all started out fine but went downhill from there! Dr. O', husband extraordinaire, offered to keep the big kids while I took the baby to her appointment. In the spirit of fairness, I took two kids and left him with two. What should've been a routine check-up turned into multiple diagnoses requiring a stack of prescription slips. I filled them all but cleared her up just fine with one, by the way. Lesson learned. The office visit lasted two hours and resulted in yet another visit tomorrow. We rushed home to let Dr. O' get to his noon class, and I left my stuff in the van planning to drive him in so that he could avoid getting rained on and we could get the prescriptions filled. When we got in, the other kids were eating lunch, and the baby was hungry. Dr. O' kissed me goodbye and left, and I assumed he was walking to work. An hour later, I had the kids all ready to go get the baby's prescriptions, and one of the kids shut the door behind us at the EXACT moment that I realized that we didn't have the van. Or my keys. Or my purse with my little-used cell phone. No windows were open to shove a skinny kid through to at least let us all back inside. THIS is why we bought a house near campus, because I have locked myself out half a dozen times! I informed my kids that we were walking to campus. I found an umbrella stroller on my porch along side the double jogger stroller that I would have taken had the front wheel not been in the van. We had no way to carry the baby's heavy carseat that far, but I decided we'd figure something out. I pushed preschooler girl in the stroller and carried baby girl in the Boba carrier while carefully instructing the boys on safety as we walked to campus. We arrived safely and found Dr. O' between classes! Eldest child said "we should've known better than to leave travel arrangements to someone as absent minded as Dad!", which was true but not very kind. Dr. O' took baby girl to his class, much to the delight of the undergrad girls. I drove the van home with the rest of the crew and picked up baby girl's carseat. Dr. O's class didn't have any questions about the exam, so class was brief. He watched the kids for a few minutes while I ran to the WJU gym to vote. Civic duty done, I piled the kids back into the van, kissed my beloved, and headed to Kroger. We had 20 minutes to wander the store while waiting for her prescriptions. Baby slept in the Boba, and two kids rode in the cart. They were remarkably well behaved, and I was informed several times that I "have my hands full!", which is the stupidest thing ever to say to a mother. Ever. While we were there, I picked up some nitrate and nitrite free bacon and let the kids pick out some fruit for a fruit salad. That night we enjoyed Breakfast for Dinner, one of my family's favorites. A bit of bacon, whole wheat pumpkin waffles, scrambled eggs, and fruit salad. The waffles freeze well, and I make a double batch of these on a regular basis. I highly recommend them with a drizzle of real maple syrup, not that corn syrup junk. I of course posted the bare bones of this day on my Facebook page because I found it funny. A few friends offered encouragement or registered their shock at our survival. I admit that at one point, I would've probably just cried and been completely overwhelmed. Last Tuesday, though, I was actually glad that all the crazy happened on the same day because it seemed less surprising that way! My advice to one Facebook friend who was once my little ninth grade student and is now a momma of two is to "just keep calm and keep moving". We can TRY to be organized, but life with kids IS chaos. Success or failure each day is in how we deal with the chaos!