The Jedis had no school today. I figured they wouldn't because it rained yesterday, and then there was snow on top of it, and that seems to trigger cancellations here. As I've said before, cancellations are easier than delays because it's hard to get enough cooperation and momentum going once everyone has started playing in the morning, and I have to get everyone out the door by myself since Dr. O' is already at work. Then I have to go out 5 hours later and get them from the bus stop, often waking M-girl to get there on time. Bleh, school.
Today was wonderful, actually. The kids didn't trash the house. There was no homework to slog through. They played peacefully and enjoyed each others' company. I sorted coupons, finished laundry, and served multiple rounds of breakfast, snack, and lunch. M-girl wants whatever someone else is eating, and we tend to rival the Hobbits in terms of meal frequency on days like this if I'm not keeping track. I realized I was serving 3rd breakfast/elevenses before I had had my own breakfast, and I felt pretty sick from waiting too long and only having coffee in my stomach. So I made a fantastic smoothie with fresh yogurt, peaches, raspberries, and flaxseed. Yum! M-girl wanted some of that, too, of course! She's pretty fussy these days with lots of teeth all just about to emerge. She wants me to hold her, and then she throws herself into awkward positions when I don't do what she wants. Being a toddler, she's definitely in a demanding phase.
Dr. O' is having a really long week as they do interviews for a moral theologian to join the dept. Not that the current ones aren't moral; it's an academic specialization. There are lots of meetings and observations and dinners involved, and he's gone a lot. We're going to need that date night that his students have gifted us! I'm taking in some nice Roasted Red Pepper and Sweet Potato Soup for Dr. O's dept for lunch tomorrow since there won't be any job candidates there then.
So far, tomorrow is a 2-hour delay for frigid temperatures. A-man is lobbying to stay home due to a sore throat that may or may not be legitimate. We'll see in the morning with a flashlight. I did have a play and pray group to go to in the morning, but there's illness going around in the hostess's home, so it's been cancelled. I hope to do some weeding out of toys, etc. tomorrow. I cooked some roast this afternoon that will be great for some Beef Vegetable Soup for dinner tomorrow night. It was a good kind of quiet today, and hopefully it will be a good quiet tomorrow. February will be over eventually, and I'm doing my best to enjoy it instead of endure it!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Post-Introspection Post
So I've been having a very introspective week with a lot on my mind but not a lot to say. I-M has a lot of appointments these days to help us untangle a mess of symptoms. I'm coming to terms with the likelihood of ADHD, although I'm unwilling to medicate him. That would certainly explain the low working memory despite high intelligence. Getting an official diagnosis would actually be helpful because it would get him an IEP, which would allow him to get occupational therapy for his motor skills for free at school. He has started seeing a counselor who will give him behavioral strategies to continue to be successful at school. That's not free, but neither are the drugs, and a little therapy isn't going to have ugly psychotropic side effects.
This counselor has had children in the Jedis' school, and she feels that while it's a highly-rated public school, it often behaves like a selective private school, driving some families out. Children with special needs are not especially welcome, it seems. I was a little annoyed when the principal told me how few Spec. Ed. kids the school had when I first visited, like that was some kind of badge of honor. Back then, I didn't think we needed those services, so I brushed it off. Now I'm hearing that the teacher who I'm not really pleased with is one of the best there. Not encouraging.
Knowing the school as she does and having spent some time with I-M, the therapist thinks he and I are a good case for homeschooling. I have to admit that my heart is drawn to it. I could give him the enrichment he's not getting at school, the time to get to these appointments that will help his development, and the free time to play all that energy out. We can only do so much of that in the time after school, and that's when the free time is most important. We are meeting the homeschooling community here in Wheeling slowly, and such a support group would definitely be vital to our success.
Despite these questions and struggles, I am so very pleased to share that my firstborn I-M took his first Holy Communion yesterday. There is nothing so joyful as watching him taking a sacrament with tremendous seriousness and with great appreciation of Jesus' sacrifice on his behalf. He walked tall and proud during the entire event and said "This is the BEST DAY of my young life!" It ranks up there for me too, kiddo!
This counselor has had children in the Jedis' school, and she feels that while it's a highly-rated public school, it often behaves like a selective private school, driving some families out. Children with special needs are not especially welcome, it seems. I was a little annoyed when the principal told me how few Spec. Ed. kids the school had when I first visited, like that was some kind of badge of honor. Back then, I didn't think we needed those services, so I brushed it off. Now I'm hearing that the teacher who I'm not really pleased with is one of the best there. Not encouraging.
Knowing the school as she does and having spent some time with I-M, the therapist thinks he and I are a good case for homeschooling. I have to admit that my heart is drawn to it. I could give him the enrichment he's not getting at school, the time to get to these appointments that will help his development, and the free time to play all that energy out. We can only do so much of that in the time after school, and that's when the free time is most important. We are meeting the homeschooling community here in Wheeling slowly, and such a support group would definitely be vital to our success.
Despite these questions and struggles, I am so very pleased to share that my firstborn I-M took his first Holy Communion yesterday. There is nothing so joyful as watching him taking a sacrament with tremendous seriousness and with great appreciation of Jesus' sacrifice on his behalf. He walked tall and proud during the entire event and said "This is the BEST DAY of my young life!" It ranks up there for me too, kiddo!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
And also with YOU!
Many of my friends know what difficulty I had with A-man from about 20 months to 4 years of age, and many have witnessed the changes in him. He went from total mild sweetness and predictability to raging vitriolic fury beginning from the time I weaned him at 19 months. He had been starting to speak fairly clearly, but his words disappeared and were replaced by screams and growls. I was fearful for his soul, to be honest.
The change came fairly quickly, but there were enough good days to feel like it was a passing toddler phase. Eventually, however, we came to expect a tantrum during every outing, so we stopped going out, a habit that continues to this day. We became accustomed to every event ending with a massive ugly blow-up over some really minor issue. Often there was a fit just before we left the house, so we were worn out before we got in the car.
Complicating this was a major depressive episode that engulfed my spirit and my energy and made me feel utterly worthless and so inadequate for the task of mothering these beautiful children. I was an angry hormonal mess, and I regret the way I blew up at my small boys in those days. I sought treatment and found that I could manage things much better. Dr. O' was progressing toward oral exams, the half-way point of his Ph.D. when this began, so he was very busy. We were hurting, and we were in a situation in which being a perfect family was important. There's a lot I wish I could change about those days.
In the spring of 2008, I realized that his behavior was not getting better, and his 3rd birthday was approaching. I had met with our pediatrician, but I was fearful to acknowledge how bad things were. Later, he and his colleagues gave us a diagnosis (which I refused to accept, but now can agree with) and offered anti-anxiety and behavioral drugs, but I could not medicate him until all other options were exhausted. I had an epiphany that might seem unusual.
We were in family housing at Notre Dame, and if we were expecting a 3rd child, we could get a larger apartment where we could have a room for him during his tantrums. At that point, he emptied shelves, closets, drawers, and bins during every screaming tantrum, and he just needed a place where the white hot fire of his rage would have no fuel. An empty bedroom with only mattresses would be perfect for him to learn to turn off his anger and calm himself without hurting himself or breaking anything. When he couldn't be in his room, I had restraint holds that would keep him and me safe and would force him to decide to calm down if he wanted to be free.
The nine months of a pregnancy would give us a timeline to get his behavior on track, and a younger sibling could potentially help him to develop better empathy. The amazing thing is that over the last 3 years, it has worked! Within weeks, he went from multiple violent daily 45-minute tantrums to 5-minute fits in his new room a few times a week, followed by a gentle knock at the door and a tiny voice saying, "Momma, I'm sorry, and I'm ready to change my heart. Can I come out now?". We still had the anxiety about going places and the fits at church, but Paula Triezenberg at South Bend Christian Reformed Church won his heart over and opened him up to hear about spiritual things.
M-girl was born in March 2009, and he instantly took to her. He has always been very gentle with her, and he has loved hearing about how he was the baby and was nursed. I learned that he needs 10 minutes of holding each day to reset his emotions, and I still do that regularly.
The move to West Virginia has been hardest on A-man, who loved University Village with all his little heart. He was often in a pack of small boys running all over the playground wearing capes and brandishing swords. As a little leader among them, he has felt their loss keenly. His behavior toward me has become more negative, but we have the words now to communicate frustration, and he can calm down when he wants to.
We fell in love with a small congregation here, and I immediately asked if I could do a children's program during the sermon. We had not been in Lutheran worship for the last few years, so A-man didn't know how to make connections with the liturgy, nor was he accustomed to sitting still for an entire service. The Children's Chapel has worked out really well, and A-man and I study the stories during the week so that he knows what to expect. His behavior in church is steadily improving, and I feel so blessed to hear and see him participating in liturgical worship. He belts out "Glory to God" from the back pew and shouts "And also with YOU!" a second late, but he's engaging with worship. I missed something sweet this morning when I was helping in the kitchen: he joined our pastor at the doorway of the sanctuary for the benediction and raised his arms along with the pastor. I am so blessed by the kindness of our fellow members who came to me and told me they think he'll be in ministry some day.
After church, I was feeding M-girl some pasta and grapes from the potluck, and someone passed her a cookie. I told her that she would have to eat the pasta and grapes first, and she smiled and said "okay!". She ate her pasta and grapes and called them "mmm, nummy!" over and over. Then she enjoyed her cookie. As a momma who fought with one child over everything, I have realized how conditioned I am to expect a fight. I can adjust my expectations, but I'm going to hang onto the joy I feel in my heart when they listen and obey.
The change came fairly quickly, but there were enough good days to feel like it was a passing toddler phase. Eventually, however, we came to expect a tantrum during every outing, so we stopped going out, a habit that continues to this day. We became accustomed to every event ending with a massive ugly blow-up over some really minor issue. Often there was a fit just before we left the house, so we were worn out before we got in the car.
Complicating this was a major depressive episode that engulfed my spirit and my energy and made me feel utterly worthless and so inadequate for the task of mothering these beautiful children. I was an angry hormonal mess, and I regret the way I blew up at my small boys in those days. I sought treatment and found that I could manage things much better. Dr. O' was progressing toward oral exams, the half-way point of his Ph.D. when this began, so he was very busy. We were hurting, and we were in a situation in which being a perfect family was important. There's a lot I wish I could change about those days.
In the spring of 2008, I realized that his behavior was not getting better, and his 3rd birthday was approaching. I had met with our pediatrician, but I was fearful to acknowledge how bad things were. Later, he and his colleagues gave us a diagnosis (which I refused to accept, but now can agree with) and offered anti-anxiety and behavioral drugs, but I could not medicate him until all other options were exhausted. I had an epiphany that might seem unusual.
We were in family housing at Notre Dame, and if we were expecting a 3rd child, we could get a larger apartment where we could have a room for him during his tantrums. At that point, he emptied shelves, closets, drawers, and bins during every screaming tantrum, and he just needed a place where the white hot fire of his rage would have no fuel. An empty bedroom with only mattresses would be perfect for him to learn to turn off his anger and calm himself without hurting himself or breaking anything. When he couldn't be in his room, I had restraint holds that would keep him and me safe and would force him to decide to calm down if he wanted to be free.
The nine months of a pregnancy would give us a timeline to get his behavior on track, and a younger sibling could potentially help him to develop better empathy. The amazing thing is that over the last 3 years, it has worked! Within weeks, he went from multiple violent daily 45-minute tantrums to 5-minute fits in his new room a few times a week, followed by a gentle knock at the door and a tiny voice saying, "Momma, I'm sorry, and I'm ready to change my heart. Can I come out now?". We still had the anxiety about going places and the fits at church, but Paula Triezenberg at South Bend Christian Reformed Church won his heart over and opened him up to hear about spiritual things.
M-girl was born in March 2009, and he instantly took to her. He has always been very gentle with her, and he has loved hearing about how he was the baby and was nursed. I learned that he needs 10 minutes of holding each day to reset his emotions, and I still do that regularly.
The move to West Virginia has been hardest on A-man, who loved University Village with all his little heart. He was often in a pack of small boys running all over the playground wearing capes and brandishing swords. As a little leader among them, he has felt their loss keenly. His behavior toward me has become more negative, but we have the words now to communicate frustration, and he can calm down when he wants to.
We fell in love with a small congregation here, and I immediately asked if I could do a children's program during the sermon. We had not been in Lutheran worship for the last few years, so A-man didn't know how to make connections with the liturgy, nor was he accustomed to sitting still for an entire service. The Children's Chapel has worked out really well, and A-man and I study the stories during the week so that he knows what to expect. His behavior in church is steadily improving, and I feel so blessed to hear and see him participating in liturgical worship. He belts out "Glory to God" from the back pew and shouts "And also with YOU!" a second late, but he's engaging with worship. I missed something sweet this morning when I was helping in the kitchen: he joined our pastor at the doorway of the sanctuary for the benediction and raised his arms along with the pastor. I am so blessed by the kindness of our fellow members who came to me and told me they think he'll be in ministry some day.
After church, I was feeding M-girl some pasta and grapes from the potluck, and someone passed her a cookie. I told her that she would have to eat the pasta and grapes first, and she smiled and said "okay!". She ate her pasta and grapes and called them "mmm, nummy!" over and over. Then she enjoyed her cookie. As a momma who fought with one child over everything, I have realized how conditioned I am to expect a fight. I can adjust my expectations, but I'm going to hang onto the joy I feel in my heart when they listen and obey.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Yogurt on the brain
Simple Yogurt Recipe
I get stuck on certain obsessions now and then. This week it's yogurt. I used to make yogurt in a yogurt warmer with 5 individual cups, but it broke right before we moved. We were on WIC for many of our grad school years, and we had WAY TOO MUCH milk, and this was a good thing to do with it. Now we're eating a tremendous amount of yogurt, and it's getting expensive since we're not on WIC. Yogurt is about $8/gallon, and we could easily go through a gallon of it a week.
Yesterday I cultured yogurt in an ice cream bucket yesterday and used my crock pot to warm it, but it was all manual and took frequent attention. It turned out fine and cost $1.75 for the milk and the starter yogurt. I drained a lot of whey from it, so it's essentially Greek yogurt.
Here's my plan for future yogurt making:
- Reconstitute 1qt of dry milk, add extra dry milk if you prefer tart and thick yogurt
- Thoroughly mix it with 2-4T of good yogurt with live and active cultures, like plain Dannon.
- Keep it at 90-110 degrees F for 9-18 hours depending on how tart and thick you prefer it.
I get stuck on certain obsessions now and then. This week it's yogurt. I used to make yogurt in a yogurt warmer with 5 individual cups, but it broke right before we moved. We were on WIC for many of our grad school years, and we had WAY TOO MUCH milk, and this was a good thing to do with it. Now we're eating a tremendous amount of yogurt, and it's getting expensive since we're not on WIC. Yogurt is about $8/gallon, and we could easily go through a gallon of it a week.
Yesterday I cultured yogurt in an ice cream bucket yesterday and used my crock pot to warm it, but it was all manual and took frequent attention. It turned out fine and cost $1.75 for the milk and the starter yogurt. I drained a lot of whey from it, so it's essentially Greek yogurt.
Here's my plan for future yogurt making:
- Our current crock pot is a small round one with a crack in it, and I need to replace it anyway.
- http://www.amazon.com/Hamilton-Beach-Forget-6-Quart-Programmable/dp/B001AO2PXK/ref=cm_cmu_pg__header is a reasonable replacement, and it has a programmable temp control and a probe. If the temperature setting doesn't go low enough, I can use the warm setting and glass jars in the crock pot when making yogurt.
- Dry milk will simplify the process since it won't need to be scalded first, and I can keep plenty on hand.
- If we slow down on our yogurt consumption, I'll only be left with a crock pot and some dry milk, both of which are useful.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Sick days and other strange blessings
A-man doesn't really complain about not feeling well, but his tonsils have been a bit sore. He hasn't fevered or had any other symptoms, so I've been sending him to school. The school nurse called yesterday right before the end of the day to tell me he had a sore throat, but she thought he'd be fine to ride the bus home, so I let him finish the day.
This morning was another 2-hour delay, and he said his head and throat hurt. I looked, and his tonsils were bigger than usual, and quite red. I agreed to let him stay home and figured I'd check I-M's throat as well. Also red. Both of them have huge tonsils normally, but they're definitely irritated today, so I decided to keep them both home rather than running out twice to drop them off and pick them up. Worse yet would've been to get a call during M's nap and have to get A-man because of illness and later pick up I-M from the bus stop. A recuperation day at home seems the best course.
They have been playing quietly and are all 3 snuggled up in my bed watching PBS kids. I got out a pack of muffin mix that's been in the cabinet for months, and those'll be done any second. I love a cozy day at home when no one's fighting. Makes being a mom such a blessing! I love being with these guys!
Speaking of blessings, I have a funny sort of perspective on them, which you may have noticed. I feel like we've been playing chicken with our finances this week. Ever had that kind of week/month/life? We operate on the belief that God owns what we have, and when we give it back, He will supply our needs. We are blessed, and we need to share our blessings with others.
We're still working on the practical side of the "right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing" (Matthew 6:3). As in, we need to not have second thoughts about giving generously, but we also need to communicate so that the giver (Dr.O') and the primary shopper (Me) can coordinate. I bought items that we needed this month, but maybe didn't NEED. Like lampshades for lamps that we've had for 6 months and a food processor to make good cheap food in.
That said, we had a lot of expenses this month that are hard to budget for. All wiggle room gone! We knew we had some quarterly insurance, and we budgeted for that. After Christmas, we had a gas bill that was outrageous, even though we were gone. It was based on an estimate and not an actual reading, but we didn't know if an actual reading might be even more since we've only lived here 7 months, so we paid it. Then by mid-month we were out of everything, so I did an enormous stock-up using lots of coupons and sales ads. Medical expenses for I-M came after that, leaving us with $20 for this week.
$20.79 for a week, and now it's down to $10.59 until Monday. After college, seminary, grad school, and Ph.D. program poverty, I can totally do this IF we're already stocked. Dr. O' and I thrive on this kind of week! We love the creativity that comes from having no opportunity to spend money and having to trust God to meet our needs. We have 1/2 tank of gas and nowhere to go beyond school most days. We are using our free month of Netflix to full advantage. M's cute cloth diapers are in the washer, and a box of warranty-replacement ones are coming today. Our change jar is now empty and the change used to buy milk, bananas, etc. We have plenty of ingredients to make most of our favorite meals. Our canned and dry goods are plentiful. Our fresh produce is dwindling, but there's still frozen produce, and we haven't wasted a thing! We'll have to buy milk tomorrow, but we're getting to the end, and it's okay!
When we have a week like this, I love the freedom from want. I have what I need, and wanting more doesn't make it happen, so I am more able to focus on the simple pleasures and great blessings I have in my life!
This morning was another 2-hour delay, and he said his head and throat hurt. I looked, and his tonsils were bigger than usual, and quite red. I agreed to let him stay home and figured I'd check I-M's throat as well. Also red. Both of them have huge tonsils normally, but they're definitely irritated today, so I decided to keep them both home rather than running out twice to drop them off and pick them up. Worse yet would've been to get a call during M's nap and have to get A-man because of illness and later pick up I-M from the bus stop. A recuperation day at home seems the best course.
They have been playing quietly and are all 3 snuggled up in my bed watching PBS kids. I got out a pack of muffin mix that's been in the cabinet for months, and those'll be done any second. I love a cozy day at home when no one's fighting. Makes being a mom such a blessing! I love being with these guys!
Speaking of blessings, I have a funny sort of perspective on them, which you may have noticed. I feel like we've been playing chicken with our finances this week. Ever had that kind of week/month/life? We operate on the belief that God owns what we have, and when we give it back, He will supply our needs. We are blessed, and we need to share our blessings with others.
We're still working on the practical side of the "right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing" (Matthew 6:3). As in, we need to not have second thoughts about giving generously, but we also need to communicate so that the giver (Dr.O') and the primary shopper (Me) can coordinate. I bought items that we needed this month, but maybe didn't NEED. Like lampshades for lamps that we've had for 6 months and a food processor to make good cheap food in.
That said, we had a lot of expenses this month that are hard to budget for. All wiggle room gone! We knew we had some quarterly insurance, and we budgeted for that. After Christmas, we had a gas bill that was outrageous, even though we were gone. It was based on an estimate and not an actual reading, but we didn't know if an actual reading might be even more since we've only lived here 7 months, so we paid it. Then by mid-month we were out of everything, so I did an enormous stock-up using lots of coupons and sales ads. Medical expenses for I-M came after that, leaving us with $20 for this week.
$20.79 for a week, and now it's down to $10.59 until Monday. After college, seminary, grad school, and Ph.D. program poverty, I can totally do this IF we're already stocked. Dr. O' and I thrive on this kind of week! We love the creativity that comes from having no opportunity to spend money and having to trust God to meet our needs. We have 1/2 tank of gas and nowhere to go beyond school most days. We are using our free month of Netflix to full advantage. M's cute cloth diapers are in the washer, and a box of warranty-replacement ones are coming today. Our change jar is now empty and the change used to buy milk, bananas, etc. We have plenty of ingredients to make most of our favorite meals. Our canned and dry goods are plentiful. Our fresh produce is dwindling, but there's still frozen produce, and we haven't wasted a thing! We'll have to buy milk tomorrow, but we're getting to the end, and it's okay!
When we have a week like this, I love the freedom from want. I have what I need, and wanting more doesn't make it happen, so I am more able to focus on the simple pleasures and great blessings I have in my life!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Time for a Face(book) Lift
So I hinted the other day that I'm already thinking about what I'm giving up for Lent. It's actually a New Year's resolution that I have put off fully putting into practice. I started this blog to cut down on what I post on Facebook, and the other half of the resolution was to delete my old Facebook profile and start a new one without as many "friends" and without as many photos, etc. Facebook was no longer providing the information from businesses and organizations that I like in my news feed, either, and I found it less useful as a result. It looks like I'm online all the time, but it's actually that I can see the computer in my kitchen, so I jump on for a minute here and there, but I do get sucked in to a lot of unproductive time, too.
I think Lent is a good time to completely detox from Facebook and spend more time preparing for Easter. The complicated part is notifying those that I still want to keep in touch with what I'm doing so they don't think I've blocked them. The other thing is to delete my photos so they're not floating around out there. So Ash Wednesday will be my last day on my current Facebook profile, and it's also my 34th birthday. It's a month and a half away, and I will be working on slimming down the current profile in the meantime.
I think Lent is a good time to completely detox from Facebook and spend more time preparing for Easter. The complicated part is notifying those that I still want to keep in touch with what I'm doing so they don't think I've blocked them. The other thing is to delete my photos so they're not floating around out there. So Ash Wednesday will be my last day on my current Facebook profile, and it's also my 34th birthday. It's a month and a half away, and I will be working on slimming down the current profile in the meantime.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
January has to end, right?
The announcement of yet another 2-hour delay for tomorrow morning came this afternoon, this time for frigid temperatures. The upside is that I'll be leaving the house around 10 tomorrow anyway to go to a LaLeche meeting. My hope is that it will not turn into a cancellation, although a few of those seem possible this week with continuing snowfall. Here's hoping that February will be a little smoother. Once my birthday comes in early March, I can usually feel the Seasonal Affective clouds lifting. This year my birthday will be on Ash Wednesday, and I'm already thinking long and hard about what I'm going to sacrifice for 40 days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)